Butterfly kisses

Sweet December

January 27, 2008 0

in Blogs @ 12:36 pm

Sweet December

 

City lights and moonlit kiss

Bring me back to December bliss

Rainy fridays and butterflies

Despised the night’s goodbye

Passenger seat and sponge bob’s ride

Reminiscing things I love to hide

Mayhem made it to my mind

Let him delve into my eyes

Zephyr blew cold sweeping through

Towards the endless shades of blue

To the skies I whispered my love

Painted it all for him above

Please let him see what I mean

Here to love away his fears

Vague memories are gone by now

I’m laying all my cards down

I gave him my sweet surrender

‘twas 28th of December

for Daniel B. Solon

Sunrise and coffee

January 14, 2008 0

in Blogs @ 12:11 am

I didn’t have to hate waking up today. I smiled upon realizing, my exam’s 12pm instead of 8. I could still grab a cup of coffee and study for 3 hours the grueling 80 pages of Mechanical Ventilation. This is the typical me, a seemingly identified procrastinating idiot bound to embrace laziness as a hobby and not a habit. I know I have to study and that’s the first thing I’ll do after blogging. Pardon me, but my morning seems to be the perfect time to empty up my brain and putting it elsewhere (e.g blog) to probably use up the memory space for my exams. They say my brain’s empty because my B-B barrier got junked from too much alcohol already. Sometimes I often wonder if my CSF contains alcohol too because my nerve impulses slightly slowed down. How would H ions reach my medulla? Chemoreceptors for my respiration must have been affected too. I suffered Kussmaul’s breathing pattern most of the time and Ataxic breathing also occurs sometimes, well times when I am with Dane. It feels too good to be true to be with him. Gawd! I drank too much alcohol and my brain never functioned efficiently since then. But my brain is not empty. I proved them wrong. I was able to answer trigo’s exam last Friday despite of my absence for 2 weeks. The last IQ test result gave me a 130 which my mom thought decreased over the years. I have learned though in highschool that IQ tests are not significant. It may decrease or increase but still you would always be glued to the same range you were found in preschool. In my case, I found myself in the above average area in pre-school and recently got eliminated. I’m now crawling back. Yet, IQ is indeed insignificant. Instinct was on limelight. I passed 101 because of instinct, got the highest grade in 101 because of instinct. Out of 250++pages to study, I only read 3pages… Voila! We were asked to draw! Haha! So I passed! The memory of that fretful day still remained untouched in my comfort zone. How could I convince myself I was worthy to be part of the 7 to intern this June? I don’t know how I got in. I did know I procrastinate a lot those times and other than that slept through most of our exams. Should I intern next year? I know I should. I mean I still have medschool to finally take over and ruin my life. Another 4 years left to study things I know felt alien to me. I have to study for mech vent but I can’t stop thinking about Saturday night. It felt so good to dance like crazy, dancing with someone I love. It wasn’t alcohol. I am always sober when I’m with him. I think he’s my medicine to keep me sober. He is my medicine. Oh Gawd! This blog was supposed to be a lovelife-free topic. I can’t really help mixing up these things nowadays. He’s just becoming a part of everything. Something I never thought could happen to me. Yes I know, I have to mellow down a bit. Might get used to it and torture myself in the end. Weee! I love torture.. I love pain… I sorta missed the feeling of pain over the past year. I can’t really imagine Dane inflicting me pain despite showing him how vulnerable I am with him. Darn.. can’t believe I just said those things. It’s 8:30 and I think I have to catch up on my reading for the exam. I know I love to write so much about him but I think it’s really about time to slow down. I have to face school responsibilities first. A sign of inspiration does help a bit. Hahaha!  

bless freewriting..

Tell me, is this coffee or is it just me?

wish i was invisible rather than invincible

January 9, 2008 0

in Uncategorized @ 1:43 pm

T’s something about an inconvenient truth of the past that I neither treasure nor regret. It was a mistake after another mistake and a lesson after that…

I was wild and I kindled my freedom. So free, so arrogant, so young and so stubborn I was. I never thought of the future because I felt that the future was the one I was holding on. It didn’t make sense ’til a few minutes ago because somehow I know it must have hurt him…

I love him.

Wish it was enough to assure him… but I know it wouldn’t be enough.. I can see clearly how his smile faded when I told him.. but I knew it was time to tell him..

If he love me.. he’ll understand…

I love him and I don’t want to lose him now…

IT doesn’t make me less of a person, I guess… and I hope it wouldn’t make him love me less.. I hope he’ll love me more… because I’ve learned…

Darn.. I never knew falling in love was this hard. help me. teach me.

I must have traded completely my freedom for this… nobody warned me it would fall to this. why didn’t anyone tell me it would be a complete surrender?

I only asked to unnumb my heart.

I thought for a while I was invincible… but the truth made me wish I was invisible.. ashamed. felt scrutinized. a bit jaded.

Please just love me… forget what I just said… forget……..

I love you Pooh… please just love me too..

..and when it rains

January 4, 2008 0

in Blogs @ 2:04 pm

She took the sign… took the risk.. LOVED..
I admired her courage… the way she fought back… the way she faced her fears..
It was like throwing herself again to the lion yet hoping the lion’s tamed this time… hoping not to be hurt again.. She knew what she got herself into..

It all started on a rainy friday.. The rain was the sign… The rain, her solace became the sign… and she finally got her heart back.. her life just started… and the past became a blur.. it won’t matter anymore..

She finally let herself fall and good thing somebody was there to catch her.. not only catch her.. fall with her.. it was a good fall.. a good start.. a good beginning..

…and when it rains, there’s no more tears to conceal.. tears maybe of inevitable bliss.. she finally got what she wanted.. she finally knew what she wanted..

and when it rains.. there’s a hand she could hold, a warm touch to elude the cold, a gentle kiss.. a zephyr of bliss… her heart is his…

she’s happy again.